In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
