I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
