If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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