My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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