i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
