I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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