The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
