So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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