Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Im part way to drunk.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
