Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
