i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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