Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
