Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
They took my balls.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is Oprah even human
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
