My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
