I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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