im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Someone came in the potted fern
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
