sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
