I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
