Having a random hookup so left but love u
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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