Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
