Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
