after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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