i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
