I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
