They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
