my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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