I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
