I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's shark week go big or go home
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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