would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize