I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
