If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
