How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
