Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
