he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
