i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
