Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize