his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
