My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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