so that wasnt chicken after all
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
