Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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