I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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