You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
