Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
