FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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