I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
