The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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