It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
