Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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