just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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