hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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