my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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