Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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