I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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