We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
