Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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