Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
