Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
