the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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