I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize