yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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