the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
