Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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