I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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