So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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