so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
