would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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