paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize