The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
