my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
