don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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