I'm really into asian looking animals
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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