You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
