found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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