my mouth tastes like poor choices
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
