... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
