I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
