my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
