Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
ugly people sure do ruin things
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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