Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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