I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
