I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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