One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i think my cat just said my name.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We need to get me chipped asap
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
