Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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