I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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