I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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