after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
