I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize