I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
