somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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