She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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