I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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