who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
