I think i peed on brittanys purse
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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