we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Someone signed my nipple.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
